Feelings

by J. BENNISON | Category: For Young Believers | Aug 1951

To those who are more advanced in divine things to write on the subject of "feelings" may appear to be unnecessary. Nevertheless I am sure from personal experience many young believers are at times troubled about their feelings, causing them even to question whether they really are saved. I well remember as though it were yesterday, when I rose from my knees after making my great decision for Christ, how I expected to have a sudden rush of feeling, and when it did not come I was disappointed. I got on my knees again, still expecting some happy emotional experience which never came, so I said, "I may be mistaken. I may not be saved after all. I will say nothing about it for the time being." It was not until some time after this incident that I had the assurance of salvation. Strange to say, and yet not strange, my feelings were stirred far more the night I acknowledged the Lord in the waters of baptism, than they were the night I put my faith in Christ. On that later occasion my joy knew no bounds.

In a previous article we endeavoured to show that we became children of God by birth - the new birth - and that when we accepted the Lord Jesus as our personal Saviour the Holy Spirit imparted a divine life by which we pass out of death into life, from the power of Satan unto God. "If any man is in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new" (2 Corinthians 5.17, A.V.).

"He is a new creature." That is a divine statement, a statement of fact, the fact that having trusted Him I claim the right to become a child of Cod. Or, as we have it in John 1. 12, "But as many as, received Him to them gave He the right to become children of God." What does it mean? Is it that when I receive Christ I immediately have a peculiar happy feeling, that I have an emotional experience whereby I may know that I am a child of God, and because of that I know that I have passed out of death into life? No, emphatically no. Never once is a person seeking salvation told to consider his feeling. In fact, the word is never used in regard "to the new birth. This word "feeling" only occurs twice in the New Testament, in Ephesians 4.19 and in Hebrews 4.15, and the word "feel" is used only once in Acts 17.27, "If haply they might feel after Him."

It is evident then that my title rests not upon my feeling, but upon the fact that the word of God says it is so, and however much my feelings change and change they will, they are as changeable as the weather, but nothing can revoke that sacred compact. We change, He changes not; His Christ can never die; His love, not ours, the resting place, His truth, not ours, the tie." I might have reason to doubt, if salvation depended on effort, but does it? Surely not! It depends entirely upon God. Nevertheless we must ever bear in mind that so soon as we are able to say, "'Tis done, the great transaction's done, I am my Lord's, and He is mine," Satan will do his utmost to rob us of our assurance of salvation. This should not alarm us, for that is his work. Now that we belong to Christ the devil will do all within his power to mar our life for Christ. We must ever be on the watch, he will attack again and again. He never relaxes and is a wily foeman ever flinging his fiery darts. Thank God he can never rob us of salvation, never!

Let us listen carefully to the Lord's own words:

"My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me: and I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, and no one shall snatch them out of My hand" (John 10.27, 2s). And then, as though the Lord Jesus expected the adversary would endeavour to shake our faith, He graciously sets His seal upon the everlasting covenant:

"My Father, which hath given them unto Me, is greater than all: and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand" (John 10.29). "My hand," " the Father's hand."

"I and My Father are One" (John 10. 30). What, blessed security is ours, eternally safe! "What from Christ the soul can sever, Bound by everlasting bands? Once in Him, in Him for ever; Thus the eternal covenant stands."

Reverently, then, take the word of God, "the impregnable rock of Holy Scripture", and rest upon it. To disbelieve God's word is to make Him a liar (1 John 5.10), and to question the reality of His salvation is dishonouring to the Lord. "Lean not on thine own understanding" (Proverbs 3.5). Our eternal security depends on the atoning death of Christ and the abiding word of Him "who was delivered up for our trespasses, and was raised for our justification" (Romans 5.25). "It is written" (Matthew 4.4) is how the Lbrd handled the adversary. Every time the enemy attacks use "the Sword of the Spirit" (Ephesians 6.17). Cod has declared:

"My covenant will I not break, nor alter the thing that has gone forth out of My lips" (Psalm 89.34) Whatever our feelings are, and however much they may vary, let us never forget that, after all, they are only feelings. Christ and His word are living, abiding realities.

COURTSHIP

When writing a short time ago about Companionship, I remarked that when the apostle Paul wrote to Timothy about the correct behaviour of the young in the house of God He used terms which indicate that assembly relationships are to be conducted on the lines of family life.

I now wish to deal briefly with that stage in the friendship of two persons of the opposite sex which we call "Courtship." I am dealing in the present paper with courtship as it affects two persons who are in the Fellowship. Anything else, as we all well know, should never be contemplated by disciples of the Lord. And I wish to approach the important, and in some respects difficult, subject, from the standpoint of very young people.

The period of adolescence, particularly in its early stages, brings with it certain physical and mental changes, and is a time when young people need some guidance with regard to their proper deportment towards the opposite sex. During the period of adolescence young people are liable, through ignorance or foolishness, to make mistakes which may leave bitter regrets for the remainder of their lives. Hence the concern of parents, and others interested in their welfare, during this critical period. And the difficulties of adolescence are complicated by a tendency on the part of some young people to regard advice offered to them on this subject as interference or suppression. I write with the full realization of this, but I feel impelled to do so because I am impressed by the importance and urgency of this question. I am sure that spiritually-minded young disciples will not resent the advice here offered in the fear of the Lord.

There is around us in the world to-day an appalling looseness in the relations of the sexes which has well-nigh voted "out of court" those Christian qualities which should be the governing standards of any society claiming loyalty to Christian principles. We cannot, therefore, take our standard of behaviour in these matters from what is current in the world around us. It is a matter of deep concern to many lest there should be among us a deterioration in those qualities of Christian courtesy on the part of the male, and of Christian modesty on the part of the female, which make the society of Cod's people a refreshing oasis in a coarse and vulgar world.

There are few more pleasant sights than to see young disciples of both sexes mixing together naturally and freely, and enjoying that happy fellowship and companionship which is not only desirable but is also a valuable influence in their spiritual development. This fellowship and companionship should be free from undue familiarity and should never overstep the bounds of Christian propriety. I mention here one danger of early adolescence, and I do so with some diffidence because cases vary so greatly and some young people, being of a more serious turn of mind, take a very proper view of this matter. I refer to the tendency to "pair off" and drift into premature courtship without due consideration of what is involved in such an important step. It is a dangerous situation when two young people of the opposite sex are found ardently seeking each other's company, giving presents, writing love-letters, making appointments - all this without having given serious thought to what they are doing or where they are drifting. If, as is frequently the case, one of them eventually desires to terminate the relationship, then the results to the other may be very distressing. I know that there is danger of my being misunderstood here, and I realize that the varying views of parents and others are a factor to be considered. Perhaps it would be wiser for me to quote a passage from the writings of the late Dr. C. M. Luxmoore on this point and ask that earnest consideration be given to his weighty words. His deep interest in the spiritual welfare of young people should gain a hearing for the plea he makes. I quote from "At the crossing" (Needed Truth, Volume 25, page 115). After referring to the need for watchful care over young people at the time they leave school, he proceeds:

"If the time when children leave school is a crossing time in their lives it is not the only one. At a later period these adolescent boys and girls begin to think, often far too early about courtship and marriage. Now it is the writer's firm conviction that half those marriages that take place amongst God's people and bring disaster in their train are not prevented by the efforts of older and wiser friends because the latter never lock the stable door until the horse is stolen. It is not when a young man and woman have become firmly attached to each other from whatever cause, that there is any likelihood of success if their friends seek to dissuade them from marriage, whether on the grounds of expediency or because of the commandment of the Lord. It is much earlier than this that young folk need to be helped. It is the inltial companionships of the young that parents need to wateh with jealous care. Of course we do not mean to encourage parental selfishness (if there be such a thing), but we do think that parents are not sutllciently on the alert to discern the suitabillty of companionship before the question of courtship arises. And what we say as to parents applies also to pastors and teachers and others upon whom responsibility rests .... Certainly there are times in the, history of every young Christian when a timely word of warning or a kindiy word of encouragement may save him or her from disaster."

I can imagine the query arising in some minds: "What, then, is the proper age to begin a courtship?" That question, of course, cannot be answered with any degree of definiteness. Cases and personalities vary so much. Some early courtships prove successful - many miscarry. And the whole question of courtship involves a consideration of the meaning and purpose of marriage - a matter which is quite beyond the scope of the present paper. The advice offered here is: do not drift into an attachment. The issues are so important and far-reaching as to demand not only careful consideration but also earnest prayer for divine guidance. If this advice were heeded then much sorrow would be avoided and there would be none of that switching from one attachment to another, which is sometimes observed, with a rapidity and reckiessness quite incompatible with any desire for divine guidance.

When a young brother finds himself paying more attention to one young sister than to others then he should face seriously the implications of his conduct. He has no right to continue if he is not sure of his intentions. And the young sister has no right to accept and to encourage such attentions unless she also is sincere of her intentions. Anything in the nature of flirtation should be carefully avoided among God's people. Flirtation has been defined as: "to trade our gifts and cbarms so as to encourage another to fall in love when we have no intention, or are unncertain, of returning that love." Such conduct has been the cause of many heartbreaks.

I realize that what I have written on this subject has been mostly negative, laying emphasis on the dangers and difficulties to be avoided-that was really my intention. No doubt many queries will arise in the minds of some, and more positive guidance sought. This is a matter about which more sympathetic help can be given privately. Seek out a mature and spiritually-minded brother or sister and you will be encouraged to find that your difficulties are understood. If you have made mistakes in the past do not despair. Few get through the experience of youth without making many mistakes. But learn from your mistakes and do not repeat them. Resolve to treat this matter of courtship as one so important to your whole life that you will not enter into an attachment until you feel assured that it is the Lord's will for you.

Marriage is the highest and best human relationship. It is delightful to see two young disciples approaching the goal of marriage with due appreciation of its responsibilities as well as its privileges. As marriage becomes more lightly undertaken in the world around us and treated with such cynical disrespect, it becomes more necessary then ever for us to guard against anything which would appear to detract from the sanctity and permanence of the marriage bond.

J. BENNISON | Aug 1951
For Young Believers