Early Friendships

The Greek word philos means "a close friend," and philema, "a kiss," is the mark of such friendship. One of the very few individual believers to receive a Spirit-given epistle was that good man Philemon, whose name means friendly, and a true Philemon is always a power for good among God's people. On the other hand, the noun philia, which means "affection, fondness, love," and is translated "friendship," is found only once in the New Testament in a connexion that gives a solemn warning as to the ill effects of wrong friendships. The passage, James 4.4, runs, "Know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore would be a friend of the world maketh himself an enemy of God."

Initially, God Himself chooses, for disciples who are baptized and added to an assembly of God, a good and sufficiently wide circle of friends. It will include all in the assembly to which the disciple is. added, and "all that call upon the name of the Lord in every place" (1 Corinthians 1.2), that is, all in other assemblies which together form "The Fellowship." Within this circle all should be friends. Thus in 3 John 14, when the apostle conveys greetings between those in different assemblies he says, "The friends salute thee. Salute the friends by name.

Psalm 119.63 lays down the principle of this wholesome fellowship wide friendship when the writer says,

"I am a companion of all them that fear thee,

And of them that observe Thy precepts."

This closely corresponds with the one condition of friendship with Himself laid down by the Lord Jesus in John 15.14, when He said

"Ye are My friends, if ye do the things which I command you."

Within this divinely-chosen circle, but not outside it, the disciple is free to develop more particular friendships; for example, two or more may associate in some sphere of service, like the apostle and others as true yokefellows; though such must never obscure the fact of the friendship of all saints as the mutual friends of the Lord Jesus Himself.

Among such special companionships perhaps the closest and most sacred is the marriage bond, wherein "the twain become one flesh" by a divine institution. This involves for the disciple a solemn and responsible choice only to be made with much care and much prayer; and, in keeping with the guiding principle already noted, each partner must be an active friend of the Lord Jesus, manifesting the fact by doing His commands. This means that each must be a believer, baptized and added to an assembly of God.

Amos 3.8 gives the practical reason for this, "Shall two walk together except they have agreed?", and 1 Corinthians 7.89 defines first the liberty then the limitation thus" She is free to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord." The will of the Lord is the single, simple, but indispensable condition, and no one who has learned that it is the will of the Lord to be in an assembly of God can possibly suppose that another is in the will of the Lord who is remaining outside.

The attachment which culminates in the sacred companionship of the marriage bond normally passes through a number of stages, and because often the early stages, especially the very early stages, are not taken very seriously, too often divine principles of friendship are not applied, sometimes with disastrous results spiritually. It is therefore to very early friendships that we would direct special attention.

Some lives have been lost to the Lord and some disciples have pierced themselves through with many sorrows as the result of drifting lightly into an early, perhaps even a boy and girl, friendship. Too late the disciple realizes that a light attachment has almost imperceptibly deepened into an attachment that strains to breaking point the disciple's loyalty to the Lord Jesus.

We would earnestly appeal to younger disciples to avoid the frivolous attitude to early friendships that is a present fashion of the world. We would urge that immediately an interest is felt toward one not in fellowship, or an interest on the part of such an one is detected, that the disciple should seek the Lord's help and resolutely apply divine principles of friendship based on the will of the Lord.

unknown | Feb 1952
General