"At Home", A Christian Family

by Trevor Sands, Barrow-in-Furness, U.K. | Category: Relationships | Feb 1983

"Whoever loves God must also love his brother" (I John 4:21 NIV).

"When two humans have lived together for many years it usually happens that each has tones of voice and expressions of face which are almost unendurably irritating to the other."

C.S. Lewis, Screwtape Letters (111)

"It's certainly not how I imagined it would be. The Lord in my home, and there's Mary forgetting that the meal won't cook itself. It's just like her. Anyway, I'll tell the Lord, He'll soon put a stop to her laziness." Whatever had happened that day in Bethany (Luke 10:38-42)? Two Godfearing sisters, Jesus Himself sitting down in (heir home, and yet an unpleasant argument seemed inevitable. It's difficult to read the story without a feeling of sympathy for Martha, isn't it? Yet the Master gently pinpoints the causes of the rift:

ANXIETY and UPSET leading to DISTRACTION and WRONG CHOICES.

Let us briefly look at each of these factors.

1.ANXIETY

Anxiety about many things is a prevalent feature of non-Christian society. Employment, education, money and fidelity of marriage partners are constant sources of worry to millions today. And this anxiety is causing intolerable strains in relationships in homes throughout the world. Paul's words "In nothing be anxious" can only be relevant in the Christian family as in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving" our requests are made known to God. If family prayer is missing, family anxieties will loom large. Choked with cares we can bring no fruit to perfection. Our failure can then bring further anxiety and thus the spiral 'continues.

2.UPSET

The unity of purpose of Martha and Mary in following the Lord is so clear in Scripture. Together they sent the message "Lord, behold, he whom Thou lovest is sick." As they individually met their Master their very words were the same: "Lord, if Thou hadst been here, my brother had not died." Upset and discord crept in to mar this unity of service in just a small matter of domestic arrangements.

How difficult it is in the Christian family not to let the pent-up frustration of the day at work reflect itself in unkind words between those who are one in the Lord's things. Does the strain of driving home in the peak hour traffic make us withdrawn and hypercritical throughout the evening? Even petty assembly rivalries can sometimes be carried over to lower the temperature at home.

Equality is an in-word of the 80's. Equality of races, of the sexes, of all, in fact. But it's not a high enough standard for the Christian home. "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves (Phil. 2:3 NIV). A true Christ-like spirit of meekness and lowliness of heart, the antithesis of the "me first" way of life, will surely make upsets short lived. But don't we need to work at it? "Learn of Me," said our Lord.

3.DISTRACTION

Martha was cumbered (RVM distracted) about much serving. Her serving was drawing her away from so much of value. Anxiety and upset will mean brooding replaces meditation, reading anything and everything will distract from Scripture study, and a Martha-like over-emphasis on necessary household duties may see us comfortably housed and well fed but spiritually hungry.

And what of the twentieth century's greatest distraction of all? The television, once a rare sight in a Christian home, is now widely proclaimed to be an essential where there are children in the family. "Although there is a lot of rubbish shown, there are many good programs" is an oft repeated claim. Our knowledge of natural history, geography, science and current affairs may indeed be expanded and helped, but as we weigh hours spent in this way with the "Mary hours" of sitting at the Lord's feet, perhaps the imbalance will shock us. "Look therefore carefully how ye walk ... redeeming the time, because the days are evil."

4.WRONG CHOICES

Mary was commended for having "chosen the good part". Home and family life-for the Christian as much as the non-Christian-involves so many decisions, doesn't it? Our children's education, a possible change of employment, moving house and so many other things involve decisions which can have far-reaching consequences for many members of the family. Anxiety, upset and distractions will all blur the clear thought needed for wise choices.

If as Christian families we are accustomed to seeking God's face in even the smallest things of life, when these big decisions come the way of approach will be a well-trod road and panic and uncertainty will be unnecessary.

Having looked at some of the pitfalls, I'd like to suggest now a number of essential factors in our home relationships.

1.RESPONSIBILITY

The Bible tells us that the Lord "Began both to do and to teach." When He taught the Pharisees that by avoiding the demands of family responsibility in order to engage in religious service they were "making void the Word of God" by their tradition He had already put the precept of honouring parents into practice in the Nazareth home. Until the age of about thirty, despite the fact that He had come into the world for the greatest task of all time, He fulfilled the responsibility of the eldest son in a peasant home where probably, for some of those years, Joseph's place was vacant. His was the never-avoided responsibility of earning for and caring for Mary and the younger brothers and sisters of that family-and in this way was much of the Son of God's earthly life spent. What an eloquent lesson to us that home responsibilities have no little importance in God's eyes (see 1 Timothy 5:8).

2.SUBJECTION

As a wedding approaches involving royalty or other prominent figures in public life, so often the conjecture arises as to whether the bride will include the promise to obey in the marriage vows. Many regard such a promise as outdated, if not positively degrading. Subjection of the wife in a Christian marriage, if balanced by the love required of the husband, is not a ball and chain leading to unfulfilment and drudgery. Rather, it is the only key to true freedom of service together for the Master and the wealth of opportunity that brings.

How irksome at times the command of Scripture, "Children, obey your parents in all things" may have seemed to many of us, even when our parents were believers (Relationships to non-Christian members of our families will be next month's topic in this series.) Without the benefits of modern education and with ideas passed on from their parents, our mothers and fathers may seem to belong to the era of horse-drawn tramcars and gas lighting. But how much greater experience they have! In the trials and victories of the years they have learned the way Satan attacks the Christian and how God preserves him. Their positive and negative instructions are moulded by this memory bank. But greater than these considerations is the truth that subjection to parents is pleasing to our God, and that the boy Jesus, with parents who knew so little and had experienced so little, was never found wanting in subjection to them (see Luke 2:51; Col. 3:18-21).

3.EXAMPLE

Paul's first visit to Lystra must have caused him great sorrow. How steeped in idolatry so many of the population appeared! But not all. One young heart, that of Timothy, had already been prepared over many years. Already loving the Old Testament scriptures, he learned quickly to love the Messiah they pointed to, and in a very short time indeed was a key man in the spread of the Truth and the care of the churches. One verse (2 Timothy 1:5) sets the pieces of this remarkable story in place. Timothy's mother and grandmother lived what they believed and Timothy was won by their example. Conversely if others in our families, particularly younger ones, see that we are half-hearted and easily put off in our Christian walk, then the value of our Bible teaching to them may be seriously diminished.

4.LOVE

Love is not placed last in this list of essential factors because it is an author's afterthought. On the contrary, all the other factors take their meaning and value from it. The quotations at the commencement of this article show us the essential place of love in the Christian home as well as the immense practical difficulties which we find in getting on with those closest to us. Our love is at times just not strong and resilient enough. But right there waiting to fill us is God's love.

He who says "I know Him" but disobeys His commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him; but whoever keeps His word, in him truly love for God is perfected. By this we may be sure that we are in Him: he who says he abides in Him ought to walk in the same way in which He walked (1 John 2:4-6 RSV).

Trevor Sands, Barrow-in-Furness, U.K. | Feb 1983
Relationships