The Christian Home (Ephesians 5:22-6:14)

by J. Seddon, Liverpool, England | Category: General | Feb 1989

The Christian is living in a morally polluted world. Its atmosphere affects every part of his life, which should be lived to the glory of God as a luminary in a dark world. The place in which he should shine the brightest is his own home.

We are first introduced to man in the Scriptures within the domestic context where a beautiful picture is presented to us. "God planted a garden eastward in Eden". In it He put the man and his wife whose hearts beat as one in perfect relationship, not only with each other, but also with God, a relationship of which Adam had a full appreciation.

And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from the man, made He a woman, and brought her unto the man. And the man said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh... Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (Gen. 2:22-24).

Here we have the divine ideal of marriage, a relationship that was to foreshadow that greatest of all unions, the relationship between Christ and His Church. But through man's disobedience sin entered into the world, and God alone knows the havoc it has caused and still is causing in many homes. Many marriages end up in divorce. Many homes have broken hearts because of wayward children, and alas the Christian home is far from being immune from such experiences.

In writing to the Ephesians, before he deals with the home situation, Paul reminds them of their relationship with God as His beloved children (5:1), and as such they ought to "walk in love" (5:2), to walk in light (5:8), and to walk in wisdom (5:15). He taught that love, light and wisdom should characterize the whole of Christian deportment, and according to the measure they are seen in our lives, so also in the same measure will they affect our homes.

Paul addresses the wives first here (v.22) and also in his epistle to the Colossians (3:18). Peter uses the same order (1 Pet. 3:1). Perhaps the reason for doing this is that the wife could have the greater influence in the home, especially as far as the children are concerned. Her relationship to her husband and all that it implies is summed up in one word - subjection.

In western societies the word subjection is not only regarded as Outdated, but also misinterpreted as meaning inferior, and in consequence we hear much about equality for women. Subjection does not mean inferiority. The same word hupotasso is used to describe the relationship of the Son to the Father in 1 Corinthians 15:28,"... then shall the Son also Himself be subjected to Him that did subject all things unto Him, that God might be all in all".

The wife is to be subject to the husband because God has ordained it so, and if there were no other reason, that should be sufficient; but there is another aspect to this: the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the Head of the Church. In this relationship they should be living exponents of Christ and the Church; a pattern on earth of that which will be the wonder of the eternal ages. The Church is subject to Christ and there is no insubjection ever seen there.

The word "head" implies authority over the wife, but there is a far greater authority than her husband and that is her Lord. She is to be in subjection to her husband, "as unto the Lord" (Eph. 5:22), and her subjection should have an effect on her children, hence the earlier statement that she could have the greater influence in the home, engendering loving respect for father and mother in the children.

Addressing the husband Paul says, "Husbands love your wives" (v.25). This may seem rather a strange exhortation to give to a Christian husband, but God expects more from believing husbands than he does from others. The divine standard presented is: "even as Christ also loved the Church" (v.25), a high standard that does not wane through the pressures of life or the passing of time. The love that Christ has for His Church is a love that can never be measured in human terms, it is beyond our comprehension, and yet its fulness is expressed in the words, " gave Himself up for it" (v.25). Those words imply His humility (Phil. 2:6-8), His rejection (Is. 53:33, His suffering at the hands of men (Mat. 27:27-31), and at the hand of God (1s. 53:10; Ps. 22:1-2). These all reveal the love that He has for His Church, "that He might sanctify it", set it apart for Himself. He is its Head, Creator, Builder and Saviour, its Sanctifier and Cleanser, and one day soon He will present it to Himself, and the unique relationship will be manifest to all. "Even so ought husbands to love their own wives as their own bodies" (v.28).

"Incompatible" is a word we hear used frequently in relation to marital breakdowns. It means to be opposed in character, discordant, inconsistent. Can we imagine any incompatibility in the relationship between Christ and His Church? That could never be; neither should there be any incompatibility between Christian husbands and Christian wives. "Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church".

To the children the divine injunction is, "Children obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right" (6:1,2). Paul in writing his second epistle to Timothy reveals certain things that will characterize children in the last days, and one of these is that children will be "disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy" (3:2). The word used for disobedient here expresses a condition of being unpersuadable, obstinate, stubborn. This most certainly characterizes the days in which we live, but should never be seen in the home lives of young Christians.

A very high standard is expected from the husband and the wife in a Christian home and a similar standard is expected from the children, and such obedience will mark them Out as being disciples of the Lord Jesus. We see how well pleasing this is to God for the relationship between parents and children was the subject of the first commandment with promise, "That it may be well with thee..."(6:2,3) .As always, the Lord Jesus is presented to us as the perfect example; though Lord of the universe we read concerning Him. "And He went down with them (Joseph and Mary), and came to Nazareth; and He was subject unto them" (Luke 2:51). "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right". Finally, "Ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath" (6:4).

Fathers are responsible for discipline within the home as far as the children are concerned. Children are facing a world in which every restraint is being cast aside; revealing a rebellious spirit against all forms of authority, and Christian children are breathing this atmosphere at school and at play.

Young Christians are experiencing pressures today that those who are older were not exposed to when they were young, and those who are fathers need to be on their knees continually seeking wisdom to keep them from making unreasonable demands upon their children which will irritate, frustrate and exasperate them, and to be careful not to bring out that anger which so easily upsets a home.

Wisdom is also needed not to go too far the other way, to close the eyes and the ears when they should be wide open to detect things that could mar the character of the Christian home. Godly parents must nurture their children in the chastening and admonition of the Lord (6:4). The word admonition literally means a putting in mind, so fathers have a responsibility to fill the minds of their children with the Word of God. If this is not done their minds will be filled with the things of the world, rendering them ineffective for Christ. It is sad indeed if young ones from Christian homes are solely dependent upon the teaching of overseers or Bible class teachers for their instruction in spiritual things.

The words of Moses to the fathers among God's people in his day are just as relevant to us in our day. "Take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes saw, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life; but make them known unto thy children" (Deut. 4:9). Young fathers, set up the family altar if you have not already done so, for there is no substitute for it within the home; set aside time for family reading of the Word of God and for prayer together.

Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord.

If God's people are striving to reach and maintain the divine standard set for the Christian home then they will be able to say like Joshua, "as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD" (Josh. 24:15).

J. Seddon, Liverpool, England | Feb 1989
General