Child Training

by Toms, A. F. | Category: Family Life | Oct 1992

Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is His reward. As arrows in the hand of a mighty man, so are the children of youth

(Ps. 127: 3,4).

The illustration that Solomon uses in this psalm is very apt. The archer takes an arrow from his quiver, puts it into his bow, and then with all his strength directs its flight. The probability of the arrow reaching its target depends upon the archer's skill in directing it, but once it has left his hand there is nothing more he can do. And so with our children. God gives them to us for a few brief years to direct them in the paths of righteousness, but once those years are over there is little we can do about it.

The young and impressionable years are the opportunity God gives us as parents to "nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord" (Eph. 6:4). That word "nurture" has precisely the meaning of child training. "A Christian discipline that regulates character" is the way one

scholar has defined it. That is the onerous responsibility God places on those who are parents. How much we need God's help if we are to succeed in the task.

On this very point Eli went wrong in his family life. His two sons grew up to be very wicked men, and God laid the blame at Eli's door, because he did not restrain them. The lack of parental restraint produced disastrous results in his family.

Manoah and his wife, on the other hand, felt very deeply their need of God's help when they received the surprising news that they were to become parents (Judg. 13:3). They became the parents of Samson who was renowned for his strength. His mother was on her own when it was intimated to her that she was to have a son. It was the answer perhaps to her deepest longings, for she had been childless for many years. When she told her husband he asked the Lord to send the angel messenger once again, and the reason he gave was very significant. It was to "teach us what we shall do unto the child that shall be born". They were being faced with a completely new experience and they realized they needed God's help. And so do we all who have children to bring up.

God has a lot to say in His Word about child training and particularly in the book of Proverbs. For instance:

My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of His reproof

For whom the LORD loveth He reproveth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth (3:11,12).

This scripture emphasizes the fact that all correction must be done in love. It is because we love our children that we train them, so that they will grow up to be responsible persons, taking a useful place in society, and living their lives to the glory of God.

"Correct thy son", the scripture says, "and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul" (Prov. 29:17). The form this correction takes will vary according to the nature of the child; that is where God's guidance in answer to prayer is so important. Many parents find that a plain talk with an erring child is often sufficient, an unhurried time when we can explain our reasons and ask for proper behaviour. It is important that we establish a relationship where we can talk freely together; and that is a two-way situation, not just laying down the law ourselves, but also giving the child opportunity to speak. If this approach does not produce the desired results it may be necessary to deprive the child of something meaningful; some treat to which he was looking forward, which now has to be forfeited because of his bad behaviour. And if all that fails there is always the rod.

We are aware that there is a difference of opinion among Christian parents about the use of physical punishment and in some countries the law may oppose it. But we cannot forget the emphasis God places on it in the book of Proverbs and if godly parents find themselves with a rebellious child they do well to heed the instruction of such scriptures as Proverbs 13:24, "he that spareth his rod hateth his son; but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes". Once again, of course, the emphasis is on love. Such correction should never be given in anger, and only when gentler methods have proved ineffective. It may not be easy at the time for the child to understand that his father's correction is motivated by love (and we are better not to press the point) for all chastening seems to be not joyous but grievous, but afterwards let us be quick to confirm our love toward him.

Dr James Dobson in his book Dare to Discipline says that nothing brings a parent and a child closer together than for the father or mother to win decisively after being defiantly challenged. Nothing will win more respect from your child than the confirming of your leadership. God has placed parents in the leadership role and the authority they have is God-given. That is why He says, "Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing in the Lord" (Col. 3:20). Any young person reading this article may like to notice that by obeying God's Word in honouring our parents we are also honouring God.

And a final word to fathers is included in Paul's instruction on family relationships. "Fathers, provoke not your children, that they be not discouraged" (Col. 3:21). How careful we need to be in the handling of our children. They each have deep feelings and' they are very sensitive to what is right and wrong. Any injustice hurts them deeply. Let us then daily ask for the Lord's help in this tremendous task that He has entrusted to us.

Toms, A. F. | Oct 1992
Family Life