Father And Mother Role

by Toms, A. F. | Category: Family Life | Sept 1992

In Dr. Bonnell's book Pastoral Psychology, he tells of a ten year old boy whose father was a successful young doctor whose professional life left him little or no time for his family. Two younger sisters received the attention and affection of their mother, but somehow the boy was neglected and became like an orphan in his own home. He lost interest in his studies and in the family and was continually quarrelling with his Sisters. Eventually his distracted mother brought him to Dr. Bonnell for counselling help. After several sessions the boy was drawn out of his shell, revealing his utter loneliness and craving for love. The parents when appraised of the situation took the boy to their heart and lavished their affection on him. As a result he was rescued from serious consequences and the home was saved from tragedy that otherwise would have been inevitable.

The case highlights the fact that our children need our close attention and understanding and that they might be deprived of it more easily than we realize. The rift that developed in this case was the last thing the parents would have wished for. It was not that they did not care, but the father had become so absorbed in his professional life and the mother so devoted in her attention to her daughters, that the boy was unintentionally neglected. It can happen so easily.

The task of caring for and bringing up our children is not an easy one, and we need one another's help and above all the help that God gives us in His Word. There are a few verses in Paul's first epistle to the Thessalonians which provide a great deal of help on this subject. The Church in Thessalonica was a young and growing church, and Paul was reminding them of the early days of their spiritual experience when he and Silas worked among them. He uses the analogy of father and mother in describing their behaviour while they were with them:

We were gentle in the midst of you, as when a nurse cherisheth her own children: even so, being affectionately desirous of you, we were well pleased to impart unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because ye were become very dear to us... ye know how we dealt with each one of you, as a father with his own children, exhorting you, and encouraging you, and testifying, to the end that ye should walk worthily of God, who calleth you into His own kingdom and glory (2:7,8,11,12).

The references to the father and mother role. are clearly defined and they contain excellent advice for those of us who are parents. Gentleness is emphasized in the mother relationship, and it is a quality which mothers are specially able to supply. It is usually to their mothers that children instinctively run in their troubles, drawing from her the gentleness they so much need, an understanding of their problems and a sympathetic ear for all the little things that crowd into their daily lives.

The word cherishing translates a delightful Greek word that conveys the thought of a mother bird covering her young with her feathers and keep~ mg them warm. God has put this special tenderness into the hearts of mothers, and never let any who fill the mother role feel they have a lesser job to do. On the contrary, there is no task more important for them than bringing up children and teaching them to love the Lord and live their lives to please Him.

Then Paul uses three most instructive Greek words in relation to a father and his children which are translated exhorting, encouraging and testifying. They each have an application in a father's responsibility to his children.

Exhorting is the comforter word, used in another form as one of the titles of the Holy Spirit. It carries the thought of one called alongside to help. It is good if a father is close to his children, by their side for their help, interested in what they do, proud of their achievements, helping them to attain life's goals.

Encouraging is the second word and means to relate near or to console. There is a degree of tenderness m the word. Our children need that when they are hurt physically or emotionally. The world they go out into is a hard place, even for youngsters. Children at school can be cruel to one another sometimes, and teachers may misunderstand, and the child comes home with a deep hurt in his heart. At such times he needs this kind of encouragement and consolation.

The third word, testifying, is also an interesting one. Its meaning is clear; to bear witness, to tell what we know. Out of his own experiences in life the father is able to point out the pitfalls and to guide to the goal ahead. Perhaps no one can do this quite so well as a father. The great goal, of course, the ultimate goal is the very same as the apostle had for the Thessalonians and towards which he encouraged them - that they should walk worthily of God. This must surely be our daily prayer for all our children, our own as well as others', that as they grow up through adolescence and into adulthood, their life style will be worthy of God, whose children they are if they have put their trust in the Lord Jesus.

Toms, A. F. | Sept 1992
Family Life